June 23, 2022

“What we mean to be a rescue can be a robbery. We all deserve the chance to be our own hero.” (p.272)

This quote relates so often for me with the experience of raising children.  I’m convinced that it’s the deepest maternal instinct that makes us want to protect our own, but when we overreach, we take away a confidence building scenario in their lives. There is nothing better than knowing that we can do hard things.  Whether it was swimming hard to the wall without taking that last breath, or learning that I could adapt and make a great life that at first looked nothing like I wanted it to after my divorce, I know now that these are the moments where my confidence gets built.  As parents, we would often rather take on the harder moment ourselves and spare them from it.  But in doing that we short circuit their chance to grow and learn to believe in themselves, separate from us and the cover we provide. Look at it as a chance to build confidence or show them how beautifully unconditional love is expressed through grace.  Life is not perfect, and they certainly don’t need to be.  Whether it’s struggles with academics, friends, sports, or any of the other 10,000 things that cross our plates as parents everyday, there is no need to rescue when we’ve raised them to be strong.  When we trust that they can handle it, we free ourselves from the expectation of perfection.  A little short term suffering now can save them from long term angst later because even when life gets messy, we can trust that we are about to learn something big about ourselves.

Daily Action: Practice letting your child answer the questions, listen instead of talking and see what they come up with in the encounters of their day.  

Daily Reframe: Children are resilient and become even more so when we can stand to watch them get uncomfortable in life.  

With Optimism,

Wendy