Whether it’s an ending or a beginning is all a matter of perspective. Ironically, the first time I had this realization wasn’t after my divorce, it was as Lauren was graduating from high school. There were a lot of tears, it was the first of my four high school graduation milestones, now I’m two down and a third one next year, I know it’s heavy for a reason…change. But as so many situations in our lives, change is reframable and if we frame it right, it usually ends up moving us forward, and that is how I started to turn endings into new beginnings. And whether it was a child who grew up and moved away or the end of my marriage, when I looked at it as a new beginning, things began to heal and evolve. Some days it happened so slowly, it didn’t feel like healing at all. It felt like sitting on the couch and reading a book, or even laying on my bed and staring up at the ceiling until I fell asleep. But I learned how to tolerate, and then even began to cherish and enjoy the quiet. This week, I stumbled upon this quote from Yung Pueblo, a favorite Instagram writer of mine, and the words felt like a warm cup of coffee by the fire.
“A leap forward sometimes requires a cocooning period where you decrease the amount of interactions you have with other people and are less focused with your daily work. Moving slowly and turning your attention inward prepares you emotionally and energetically for the next level.”
That’s what I was doing. That’s what healing felt like to me. Whether it is your body, mind, or spirit (and often it is a combination of the three), healing requires us to turn inward and look at what actually needs to be healed. It brings us back to our foundation and asks us to look for cracks, and then find the ways that we can reinforce them to create a stronger foundation to build upon. This is the process that turns an ending into a beginning.
I remember sitting on the patio of my old house in 2016, a few days before Luke’s 14th birthday. My personal life was in a shambles, is there a better time to start a blog? It felt sticky and uncomfortable putting my words out there, but my purpose of generational healing was bigger than my fear. Since then, I have written well over 150 blogs…I haven’t stopped to count in a while, and now a blog a week feels easy. It feels like being me, instead of something I have to do, and that feeling has taught me a lot. Our life becomes our own when we understand that we have nothing to prove and everything to learn and become. Our struggle gives way to a beautiful flow if we learn to stay with it instead of pulling away or distracting ourselves, and these things are true at every level of the game of life.
In the next few weeks, my blog at The Optimists Journal is getting a new home. Stay tuned…there will be something for everyone who wants to be a little better every day and embrace healing for yourself and the generations that come after you. My blog will have the same name and intention, to inspire us to be better through relatable human stories from parenting, American life, sports, and relationships… but there will be so much more, to align your mind, body & spirit and become the greatest expression of yourself.
This is the next evolution, another new beginning, and a call for anyone on their path that wants to get better. More often than not, that path requires some cocooning. Go easy on yourself, take the time to rest and recover and figure out how to find joy and meaning in your life. Do what matters to you with grace for yourself and the people around you, then being you becomes easy. If you’ve ever wanted to be more of yourself, and step away from what anyone else thought you “should” be, you are going to like this new place. Can’t wait to show it to you;)
With Love & Optimism,
One of my favorites - This song captures so much about the healing process.
P.S. - My friend Jason and I met up on his Podcast, The Option, this week and talked Dave Chapelle, John Gruden, and how to heal from deep trauma and come out stronger and ready to help others. This one isn’t for the kids…Jason swears like the kid from Brooklyn that he is. But his independent thinking and vision for what he wanted this podcast to be is what the world needs right now and I enjoyed every bit of this conversation.