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Calm in the Chaos

Find calm in the chaos…these words go through my head multiple times per day. Text messages, emails, calls, voicemails, to […]
By
Wendy Jones
July 21, 2019

Find calm in the chaos…these words go through my head multiple times per day. Text messages, emails, calls, voicemails, to do lists, goals, kids, social media, ideas, writing, so often it feels like it is all hitting at once and that everyone and everything needs an answer in 10 minutes or less.  But, that expectation is a state of mind.  Calm is learning to reframe, take things in on our own timing, not as the world gives them to us.  We all used to have to wait a lot longer before the age of Amazon Prime same day delivery and insta everything…and we were ok. Sometimes I think that everything that is being done to speed up our process in the name of efficiency and time management is chipping away at our calm. Even ATM’s have order ahead service now!

If you have read any part of my blog before, you know that yoga has been a major game changer in my life.  I like to think that sports toughened me up which, quite honestly, was necessary, but yoga taught me how to slow down and enjoy my life. As I unitask my way through my days (if you are wondering, unitask is the opposite of multitask) I encounter someone almost every day who, through some shared experience that we have, comments on my state of calm.  Whether it’s finding out I have four kids, or having to wait a little extra time for an appointment, when we talk and exchange stories, they say

“But you’re so calm.” 

It’s pretty ironic considering the way I started out in this life.  Loud noises like the air brakes on a school bus, the compactor on the trash truck, sirens, or fireworks felt like they left an imprint on my soul. I think I wore ear plugs on the 4th of July until I was 10. I remember trying to anticipate what was coming next so that I didn’t get surprised by anything. I lived like that for a long time…anxious and waiting for the shoe to drop, and worse, trying to disguise that anxiousness under the mask of calm. The good thing now is that I can feel the difference between the mask and the real thing.  

Real calm is slow, it’s present, it’s focused and sure. It’s comfortable in our own skin, even when the circumstances are uncomfortable. Calm allows us have our own place and know that it’s ok to take up as much space in this world as anyone else. Calm brings peace to our process and helps us let go of the need to control any outcomes. Calm silences the outside voices and helps us hear our own clearly. It lets us trust our gut and do the next right thing.   It’s where we can drop the multitasking and settle into our routine, and trust that it all will get done in the best time with a sure and steady hand.  It creates flow in the routine of regular life, and then we find success on whatever stage we seek. 

Aside from our greater goals, it is stabilizing for my soul to encounter people who find calm and flow in regular life because regular life is my favorite. I find a lot of joy in the mundane, like choosing my coffee mug every morning or my favorite chamomile tea. As I stood on the beach in Santa Cruz this past weekend, there was calm in observing the joy that our hosts found in hospitality. Two grills, tons of meat, and such ease in the preparation and serving of a casual meal in a beautiful scene. Their choice to make it seem easy to haul everything down there and create this relaxed and gracious scene made a memory for me and my kids that we won’t forget.  Nothing fancy, but there was legitimate work involved and there wasn’t an ounce of hardship expressed. I love people who find calm instead of complaint in the work…it radiates to everyone around and, in this case, we got to sit back, exchange stories, and take in the blue sky and surf and be taken care of by these wonderful friends.  There aren’t many people in my life who give me this easy feeling, to feel the true appreciation I have for being taken care of, but this crew makes it so easy, it’s hard to imagine a way I can repay them. 

The calm I feel today is real, and knowing what my nervous system feels like in this peaceful place is a blessing and a source of productive strength.  When we know ourselves well, we can choose what feeds our soul. For some it’s excitement, crowds and the next big party but for me it is calm that allows me to find my flow…and I’m feeling more in the zone with every day that passes.

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About the author:
Wendy Jones is a mother of four, lifelong athlete, writer, and optimism & resilience coach and speaker. Through 20 years of parenting and relationship struggles, she believes that vulnerability and our willingness to share our stories is a way to heal ourselves

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